Marley and Me

When I signed-up to teach at Super-Duper High School, I was fortunate enough to find an apartment in neighboring Mountain View. The location is perfect: there’s a jogging trail outside my door, and I’m within walking distance of a charming downtown. There was only one hitch when I took this apartment.

I would have to reside with Oreo.

Oreo is a 20 pound bulldog-spaniel mix. Passersby consider her cute, but I personally haven’t made up my mind. Frankly, her underbite freaks me out. When she snuggles next to me, I instinctively pull my head away. I can’t shake the fear that she’s only drawing near to bite my face.

Of course, there were moments when I wanted to bite Oreo’s face! Our first week has been rocky, to say the least. The night I arrived, she repeatedly woke me up with her insane barking fits. The Hound of Hell, Oreo, must have sensed my extreme fatigue and decided to test the limits of my patience. At 12:30, 1:32, 4:35, and 6:30 she woke me with prolonged bouts of barking.

All I could think was, “What have I gotten myself into?”

After my first night, I decided to take action. I remembered an article I’d read about how baby animals “imprint” themselves, and I decided to spend some quality time with Oreo. All she needed, I reasoned, was to love me. And I would make her love me! I’d exercise her, pet her, and just love her to death. If that didn’t work, I feared that I would meet my own death!

I also worked to consistently reprimand her barking. Whenever she’d yelp, I’d scold her, and then I’d immediately come to her level and comfort her. I remember studying this strategy in credential school. Ironically, there are many similarities to teacher education and animal training. But I digress…

As bedtime approached, I nervously crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. Oreo wouldn’t have any of my New Age bonding, however, and she was just as raucous the following night. Perhaps the worst moment was when she pounced on the bed and ran in circles over my body. After her ritualistic dance, she curled up between my legs and went to sleep.

As she nestled in my crotch, I fearfully pondered my next move. Oreo’s labored snoring suggested sleep, but maybe it was a ruse. Perhaps the nefarious beast was planning to desecrate my Nether Region. (I am aware that I sound irrational, but sleep deprivation promotes insanity.)

On the third day, Oreo decided to sulk. She wouldn’t touch her food, and she was moody. She isolated herself and remained separate all day. Ordinarily, I wouldn’t have minded the sulks – I formerly taught middle school – but I secretly feared that Oreo was plotting a nocturnal attack. Thankfully, there was only one barking fit at night, and she quickly responded to my reprimands.

After one week as roommates, Oreo and I have a tenuous détente. She enjoys sitting next to me as I watch TV, and she cheerfully greets me when I enter the apartment. She’s even letting me sleep through the night.

Take that, Cesar Millan!

Champagne Wishes and Caviar Dreams

Remember “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous”? (Don’t worry if you never saw the show – it was ridiculous, anyway.) At the conclusion of every episode, Robin Leach drolly uttered his signature phrase: “Champagne wishes and caviar dreams!”

Well, now that I’ve arrived in the Bay, I feel as though I’m living in the lap of educational luxury. First of all, the school where I teach – hereafter referred to as Super-Duper High School – is very affluent. The scions of Silicon Valley have been generous to my campus, and the facilities are state-of-the-art. Today, for example, when I showed a video excerpt, I struggled to decipher the surround sound feature of the multimedia apparatus.

When I first started teaching at Super-Duper, my friend Jason jokingly asked, “So, will you be enjoying caviar during lunch?” At the time, I laughed, but now I’m beginning to wonder if Steve Jobs will be serving choice Beluga any time soon.

Second, the principal at Super-Duper has a breezy, refreshed manner. Never, and I repeat, NEVER, have I met a relaxed administrator. Tom appears so carefree that, frankly, it’s almost maddening. He’s a witty conversationalist, and he’d triumph at any cocktail party. Not only that, but he’s worldly and sophisticated, as are his wife and kids. My favorite Tom anecdote, however, is this: at the conclusion of the school day, he packs his attaché, lowers the top of his convertible, and barrels down the boulevard. If ever a man embodied the principles of joie de vivre, Tom does. The other day, as his sports car roared past me, I wondered, “What am I doing wrong?”

Finally, the students at SDHS are phenomenal. Granted, I’m teaching remedial English, but I must sadly acknowledge that what constitutes remedial at Super-Duper would be “advanced” in other districts. On the first day of school, I initiated a discussion about the book we were reading. (Honestly, I feared the conversation would tank, and I didn’t know if students would grasp the complexities of the text.) Instead, I was floored by the articulate insight of these so-called “struggling” students. At the end of the seminar I remember telling the class, “I’m in Never Never Land. That was amazing.”

Granted, I’m still in the honeymoon phase, but I could get used to this!

A Total Eclipse of the Heart

I know virtually nothing about Twilight. And I’d like to keep it that way.

What little I do know, I’ve learned from my students. And that’s enough.

My first introduction to Twilight came when my sophomores were studying Shakespeare. One of their assignments was to write a sonnet. While sonnets typically develop the many facets of romantic love, I told kids they could write about anything they liked: a hamburger, a video game, or their mother.

Several girls wrote about Twilight.

Here’s my favorite line: “Though you are a vampire, I love you, too.”

At least it was written in iambic pentameter!

Well, my drive to the Bay provided another Twilight encounter. When I stopped for lunch at Burger King, I realized the franchise was promoting Twilight gear. Had I purchased a children’s meal, I could have received an amulet, wrist cuff, or other item of Gothic paraphernalia. Apparently, Burger King is now in the business of warding off the undead.

Upon entering Burger King, I passed through the Taylor Lautner door. It only got worse when I noticed the cardboard display in front of the line. Wherever I turned, bloodthirsty vampires – who apparently enjoy whoppers – surrounded me. The irony, of course, was that it was the DAYTIME, yet the vampires appeared curiously unharmed.

As I placed my order, I realized that a busload of (Chinese?) tourists was eating lunch. I had to resist the urge to run over and apologize on behalf of sane Americans everywhere. I wanted to cry, “We’re not all like this, I promise!”

But then my amulet arrived.

Adventure!

Tonight, over shaved ice, my friends suggested I maintain a summer blog. I had secretly nurtured the idea of chronicling my life, so their encouragement was all I needed.

This is my summer of adventure, but it’s not adventure in the dramatic, life-threatening sense. I will, after all, be living in the suburbs. However, given the humdrum nature of my life, spending a summer in the Bay Area feels pretty adventurous. Currently, I live in Alhambra, a typical LA suburb. Granted, Alhambra has better Chinese food than the average city, but it’s typical nonetheless.

For awhile, I’ve been itching for something different. Because, truth be told, my life is rather staid. I work a traditional job, carefully save my money, and try to be a responsible citizen. This isn’t to say that I’m repressed and I harbor latent desires to become a freak. No, I’m sincerely boring. More recently, however, I’ve wanted, in my own careful way, to “shake things up.” I’ve always loved the Bay Area, so a trip north sounded like just the ticket. While in the Bay, I’ll be teaching high school English.

It was almost scary how easy it was to obtain the job. Effortless, in fact. I saw the online posting, submitted an application, and within a few weeks, I was asked to meet at the district office. I promptly flew up for an interview, and within a few days, I was gainfully employed. Shocking, really. After accepting the position, I focused on searching for housing. Craigslist eventually came to the rescue, and I’m subletting an apartment from another teacher.

I’m not sure what the summer holds, but I’m excited. I look forward to rekindling old friendships, exploring new neighborhoods, and trying new things. My first new thing? This blog. If nothing else, it’s an attempt to record my efforts at change.

Stay tuned…