My model behavior was recently tested at a local
Starbucks. I had a lot of essays to
grade, so I decided to get a jump on my work by showing up bright and early at
7:30 AM on a Saturday.
Starbucks was a ghost town, and I had my pick of
tables. After ordering my coffee, I sat
down, stretched my legs out on the chair across from me, and started grading
essays.
I was cheerfully doing my work (the essays were good and the
caffeine was kicking in) when an elderly Indian man came up to me and told me
to put my feet on the ground.
At first, I was confused, and I thought he was asking for a
chair. But, as I scanned the room, I saw
several open tables.
I responded to Elderly Indian’s request by smiling and
saying that I was comfortable.
Elderly Indian Man, not pleased with my response, repeated
his request more emphatically: “Please take your feet off the chair!”
For a split second, I contemplated taking my feet off the
chair. I am, after all, a nice guy, and
I figured if I was bothering him this much, I could certainly put my feet on
the floor. But, as I thought about it, people
rest their feet on chairs all the time. In
fact, I’ve gone to Starbucks for twenty years and no one’s ever complained
about my behavior.
Instead of acquiescing, I smiled, and said, “It’s OK.”
This time, Elderly Indian Man was more insistent: “DO YOU KNOW
WHERE YOUR FEET HAVE BEEN?”
I responded with a terse, “I’m fine.”
“Well,” Elderly Indian Man responded, “YOU BETTER WIPE THAT
CHAIR WHEN YOU LEAVE!”
Surprised by the interaction, I continued to grade essays,
but I couldn’t help but take furtive glances at Elderly Indian Man every few
minutes. I noticed that he approached
several other patrons. At one point, he pushed
a leather easy chair inches away from a woman and then sat down. Later, he told another man to push his chair
away from the coffee table.
I watched those interactions with great amusement, and I
immediately texted my best friend, Sani, who also happens to be Indian. Below is an abridged version of our
conversation:
Me: Your people are crazy.
Sani: What happened?
Me: This guy just told me to take
my feet off a Starbucks chair.
Sani: Old or young guy?
Me: Old.
Sani: Classic East vs. West.
Me: I dunno. Indian people be crazy.
Sani: Maybe the old guy thought you
were like his son, and the only way he knows how to connect with his son is by
criticizing him. You should go up to him
and say, “I’m sorry about your son.”
Me:
I love you.
Eventually, Elderly Indian Man left Starbucks, climbed into
his Toyota Camry, and drove away. By
this time I had taken my feet off the chair, but I continued grading essays.
Nearly an hour later, Elderly Indian Man flipped the script
by COMING BACK TO STARBUCKS!
This time, however, the café was full, and chairs were at a
premium. At first I thought he was
walking toward me, but then I realized HE WAS JOINING THE MAN AND WOMAN WHO
WERE SITTING AT THE TABLE NEXT TO ME.
After exchanging pleasantries with Elderly Indian Man, the male
friend turned me and said, “Sir, may we please borrow your chair?”
“Y—“
Elderly Indian Man interrupted: “Don’t you dare take that
man’s chair! It’s filthy! He had his feet on it! THIS MAN HAS NO CIVILITY!” As he yelled “civility,” he dramatically thrust
the chair into the middle of the room.
The woman told Elderly Indian Man to relax, but he was
literally inconsolable. I just smiled –
which is apparently my MO when encountering crazy people – and continued grading.
Eventually a middle-aged Chinese man saw the vacant chair and
took it.
On my way out, I thought of asking Elderly Indian Man about
his son, but I didn’t want to be spiteful.
I am, after all, a nice guy.
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